Thoughts of a Mind Growing

On Rehearsing Regrets.

2010-11-30T08:34:00.000-08:00

How often do we chain ourselves down with the “doh”s of life? I cannot even begin to count how many times my palm has made contact with my forehead in the gesture of disbelief and shame at my own actions. I can’t believe I said that. I can’t believe I did that. I can’t believe I believed that…after the initial doh comes the haunting. The late night recollections of all the errors I’ve made, all the people I’ve hurt, all the friendships I’ve damaged, and even the pain I’ve caused myself because of regrettable actions.

It can get weighty. Carrying around all you should have done, and bearing the weight of all that you shouldn’t have done. Like vines choking off a tree, so too can these regrets choke the vitality out of you—if fed.

We are told that if we confess our sins, he is faithful to forgive (1 John 1:9). Yet, we are so reluctant to forgive ourselves. I know that I have often beat myself up over things that I have repented of years ago, yet I still regret that I ever was at a point of immaturity that I did such a thing.

In doing so, I waste so much energy looking back at all my failures. It drains me of energy and depletes my confidence, so much so that I have no strength or motivation to look forward in life. This very truth is enough to convince me that it is not God behind the nagging in the back of my mind about how I messed up and how I should have done this or that differently. These thoughts PREVENT me from doing his work, and who would want that? Certainly not God, but it would suit the devil just fine if he can convince us all that we are so terrible that we cannot be trusted to do God’s work, therefore we should just leave it to “someone else”. If everyone becomes convinced, nothing will get done. How convenient for the devil.

So, though I do struggle, I challenge you to make things difficult for the devil. Serve the Lord in your brokenness, and allow him to equip and grow you. You don’t have to have it right today, or tomorrow, or the next day. Life is a continual journey of growth, and being such, each day we will see that some of our actions from the day before were not all that they should be, that we were not all that we should be, but God CALLED us, he wants a relationship with us. He could use the trees, the rocks, the sky to do his work, yet he wants it to be you. He wants it to be me. He loves us and wants us to be co-workers with Him in spreading the word of His love.

So, I say;

No, dear brothers and sisters, I am still not all I should be, but I am focusing all my energy on this one thing: forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead. (Philippians 3:13 NLT)

I don’t have it all figured out, but I’m going to fight the temptation to pour too much of my energy into what I failed at in the past, instead praying for the strength, wisdom, knowledge, and courage to move forward—living for Christ and growing in Him.

Isaiah 43

Israel’s Only Savior

1 But now, this is what the LORD says—

he who created you, Jacob,

he who formed you, Israel:

“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;

I have summoned you by name; you are mine.

2 When you pass through the waters,

I will be with you;

and when you pass through the rivers,

they will not sweep over you.

When you walk through the fire,

you will not be burned;

the flames will not set you ablaze.

3 For I am the LORD your God,

the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;

I give Egypt for your ransom,

Cush and Seba in your stead.

4 Since you are precious and honored in my sight,

and because I love you,

I will give people in exchange for you,

nations in exchange for your life.

5 Do not be afraid, for I am with you;

I will bring your children from the east

and gather you from the west.

6 I will say to the north, ‘Give them up!’

and to the south, ‘Do not hold them back.’

Bring my sons from afar

and my daughters from the ends of the earth—

7 everyone who is called by my name,

whom I created for my glory,

whom I formed and made.”

8 Lead out those who have eyes but are blind, who have ears but are deaf.  

9 All the nations gather together  

and the peoples assemble.  Which of their gods foretold this and proclaimed to us the former things?  Let them bring in their witnesses to prove they were right, so that others may hear and say, “It is true.”  

10 “You are my witnesses,” declares the LORD,   “and my servant whom I have chosen,  so that you may know and believe me   and understand that I am he.  Before me no god was formed,   nor will there be one after me.  

11 I, even I, am the LORD,   and apart from me there is no savior.  

12 I have revealed and saved and proclaimed—   I, and not some foreign god among you.  You are my witnesses,” declares the LORD, “that I am God.  

13 Yes, and from ancient days I am he.  No one can deliver out of my hand.   When I act, who can reverse it?”

God’s Mercy and Israel’s Unfaithfulness

14 This is what the LORD says—

your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel:

“For your sake I will send to Babylon

and bring down as fugitives all the Babylonians, in the ships in which they took pride.

15 I am the LORD, your Holy One,

Israel’s Creator, your King.”

16 This is what the LORD says—   he who made a way through the sea,   a path through the mighty waters,  

17 who drew out the chariots and horses,   the army and reinforcements together,  and they lay there, never to rise again,   extinguished, snuffed out like a wick:  

18 “Forget the former things;   do not dwell on the past.  

19 See, I am doing a new thing!   Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?  I am making a way in the wilderness   and streams in the wasteland.  

20 The wild animals honor me,   the jackals and the owls,  because I provide water in the wilderness   and streams in the wasteland,  to give drink to my people, my chosen,  

21 the people I formed for myself   that they may proclaim my praise.

22 “Yet you have not called on me, Jacob,   you have not wearied yourselves forme, Israel.  

23 You have not brought me sheep for burnt offerings,   nor honored me with your sacrifices.  I have not burdened you with grain offerings   nor wearied you with demands for incense.  

24 You have not bought any fragrant calamus for me,   or lavished on me the fat of your sacrifices.  But you have burdened me with your sins and wearied me with your offenses.

25 “I, even I, am he who blots out   your transgressions, for my own sake,   and remembers your sins no more.  

26 Review the past for me,   let us argue the matter together;   state the case for your innocence.  

27 Your first father sinned;   those I sent to teach you rebelled against me.  

28 So I disgraced the dignitaries of your temple;   I consigned Jacob to destruction   and Israel to scorn.

On Having Superpowers.

2010-11-29T12:27:00.000-08:00

It is my belief that every little kid, at some point, imagines being big and powerful, having special powers, and being able to change the world—at least their world—for the better. These are the childhood fantasies that lead to scraped knees, bruised arms, and broken bones. We are let down by what be believe will give us these magic powers. That sheet around your neck doesn’t make you fly, nor does it even help break your fall. That wand in your hand doesn’t freeze your angry neighbor kid into a block of ice, but your taking the time to point it at them and say your magic words gives them enough time to kick you in the shins. Correct me if I’m wrong, but we’ve all day dreamed special powers and played pretend as a child. Searching for that magic power, that source of strength, that will allow us to save the world!

For Popeye, it was spinach, for Green Lantern it was his Ring, for Superman the sun. Batman relied on himself, and his own resourcefulness. A lot of times we try to find our power in things external. If we eat a certain way, we’ll be so powerful, able to change and win the world over. If we just try harder, study more, stay in school longer, we can do it on our own. We buy things, make things, covet things that we believe will give us more strength and power to change things in this world. More money, more status, more things.

Yet, we so often feel so empty and weak. We try to change things—even just for ourselves, and fail miserably. It is like we’re Superman with Kryptonite tied around our necks. Instead of gaining more power and strength, we get weaker and weaker. Our world gets more out of control. The enemies we work so hard to keep at bay, fear, loneliness, shame, regret, etc., grow stronger and stronger as our strength diminishes.

We do have super powers—beyond measure. We’re just tapping all the wrong sources. In John 12:14 Jesus says, Very truly I tell you, whoever believes in me will do the works I have been doing, and they will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father.Now, just think on the life of Jesus—think of all that he did on earth, and this verse declares that we will do greater things. How? Well Jesus, in the same chapter in verses 10 and 11 says that the Father dwells in Him, and He in the Father. The source of power is there, in our relationship with the Father. This verse also tells us how we use the power to bring about change. It says in verses 13 and 14 that whatever we ask in His name, that brings Glory to the Father, he will do. So, our strength is not our own, it comes from the Father and our relationship with him, and we can change the world by asking for things according to His will. His loving, infinitely wise, will.

So next time you’re feeling helpless and weak, remember you do have superpowers. You just have to daily dedicate yourself to improving your relationship with the Father, claim the promises, and surrender all your attempts and searching for strength anywhere other than at the feet of Christ (sounds easy, right? J It’s not always…but it is worth it). Nothing is impossible with God, and the one who created the universe longs to bless you and strengthen you. He thinks of YOU. So, seek Him. Seek his kingdom, and live boldly as one with superpowers on your side.

We are human, but we don't wage war with human plans and methods. We use God's mighty weapons, not merely worldly weapons, to knock down the Devil's strongholds. With these weapons we break down every proud argument that keeps people from knowing God." 2 Cor. 10:3-5a

A Few Verses on the Source of our Strength:

Exodus 15:2 “The LORD is my strength and my defense ; he has become my salvation. He is my God, and I will praise him, my father’s God, and I will exalt him.

Exodus 15:13 In your unfailing love you will lead the people you have redeemed. In your strength you will guide them to your holy dwelling.

Deuteronomy 8: 17 You may say to yourself, “My power and the strength of my hands have produced this wealth for me.” 18 But remember the LORD your God, for it is he who gives you the ability to produce wealth, and so confirms his covenant, which he swore to your ancestors, as it is today

2 Samuel 22:33 It is God who arms me with strength and keeps my way secure.

Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand

Isaiah 45:24 They will say of me, ‘In the LORD alone are deliverance andstrength.’” All who have raged against him will come to him and be put to shame.

Isaiah 58:11 The LORD will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.

1 Peter 4:11 If anyone speaks, they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God. If anyone serves, they should do so with thestrength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen.

On Growing Up.

2010-11-29T12:26:00.000-08:00

Growth.

The spring winds blow, and like a shower whirly seeds spiral down from their places high up in the branches of the Maple tree. They fall on the road, the roof, and the soil. Soon the spring showers follow, gentle and long. The whirly seeds are torn and battered, they begin to rot away, but from within them springs forth growth. No, not the day they fell, not while the seeds were being scattered, but after they were watered and the seed’s shell itself broke and gave way to the growth that was occurring within.

We have much in common with these little seeds, yet we have one advantage over them—we can come to the water source ourselves and ask for him to Grow us, water us and tend us.

However, we must be aware that growth requires brokenness first—a casting off of masks, a surrendering of our battle stance, an acknowledgment of our inability to do it on our own. Sometimes it takes a good long look in the mirror, to realize our incompleteness. The simple truth is, if nothing changes…nothing will change. We have to be broken in order to grow, in order to be made whole.

I have often prayed the prayer, asking for God to grow me so that I produce the fruit of the spirit (Gal. 5:22-23). You know how we grow in those things? By being tested in those areas. If I ask for more patience, my patience will be tested so that I may grow in patience. If I ask for joy, I will be challenged to find joy in the midst of gloom. Joy is easy when all in life is well, it’s when the clouds roll in that you learn if you have the fruit of joy.

Just as the whirly Maple seed did not bring forth life the moment it fell, so our growth may be slow. God is gracious enough to bear with us, loving us, tending us, as we have to be broken time after time (often because of things of our own doing) because we have failed to learn the lesson we need to learn in order to grow and eventually bear fruit.

Some plants, once sprouted grow faster than others. Did you know that some varieties of bamboo can grow approximately a meter a day? Also, were you aware that the Saguaro Cactus can take up to upward from 40-75 years to mature enough to have it’s first branch or produce it’s first bud? Do you know what determines this rate? It largely depends on the precipitation the plant receives as it grows.

What hope, then can we find in this, while we go through a storm of chaos in order to become peaceful? We can know that God doesn’t give up on us, and that he is with us, let him water you, let him give your broken spirit birth to good fruit.

On "The List".

2010-11-29T12:25:00.001-08:00

Girls often have, what is termed shortly, “the list”. It is a list of qualities a man must possess in order to win her heart—or at least that is the ideal she has in mind as she writes it.

This may sound like a most excellent idea, if you have a list, you will not settle for less than your perfect match, right? It will limit the playing field down so that you do not waste your time or emotions where your happiness will not be found, or so I was told when I was encouraged to write mine.

I have found it to be quite the opposite. It, though specific to the point of being laughable, created false positive matches. Yes, there will be more than one guy who fulfills the list. And if you so believe that it will whittle down the choices to one, you take the risk of believing you have found the one—multiple times.

Also, I discovered that one “side effect” of the list is an increased “other” focus—looking and evaluating others, looking for strengths and weaknesses [going down the checklist, ticking off all the favorable qualities]. This side effect seemed to result in self-blindness.

Now, some of you may say—aren’t we supposed to be other-focused and not focus on ourselves? Yes, when it comes to love and nurture, guidance and care—but this wasn’t that. This was pointing out the speck in my brothers’ eyes while ignoring the plank in my own sort of “other-focused”.

You know what the whole thing ended up resulting in? Me feeling utterly lost. I didn’t know myself as well as I should. I was praying to God what would be the perfect guy for me as if I knew better than He? I was wandering around purposeless, holding on the dream of finding my purpose…..in a perfect match.

What is a perfect match? Who would be my perfect match. That’s how I looked at the world, if I am really honest with myself. I had very good intentions, they were just incomplete and lacking of a certain degree of maturity.

See, I was uncomfortable making a list of expectations and traits I was looking for in a man, without making sure I was up to the standards I was holding for the guy. No, I’m not saying you have to be a clone of your ideal guy, that would be boring and weird. Let me, for this instance, take a shallow example. One of the things on my list is that I want a guy who is musical. I, however, considerably lack musical talent. If you ask me to sing, you’ll only do it once. Trust me. However, I love listening to people play music, to express themselves through song. It speaks to something inside me, and moves me. However, in the list making for yourself, one must be careful what your motives are behind each item.

I want to learn to play an instrument. So when I can afford to do so [and the time is right], I will take lessons. This is where the list can throw you off, once again. I could take lessons in order to make myself desirable to a guy who is musical, and this would be a derailment.

In other words, I should not make myself into a musical person to get a musical man. Nor I should I pray for the sake of winning the heart of a praying man.

One further question, since when do we earn love? Going through your list becoming the things on it so that you may get a person with those qualities supposes that you can earn love. I believe God is the ultimate example of Love, and what can we do to earn his love? Nothing, it’s a gift.

Now, I need you to catch this. I’m not saying living up to those standards is wrong. It’s the motives behind them that make the difference. I should pursue music because it gives voice to that deep place within me, because it provides yet another way to praise my Lord and bring glory to his name; and prayer must be an expression of our heart, more specifically our heart for God and his people. Not for just one of his people.

Instead, I would urge you to work on your relationship with God. Let the relationship with HIM change you and make you long to be a better you, because you love HIM endlessly. That way, who you are, who you become, will be matched with someone who is on the same journey toward God. This will result in you finding a match, maybe not who meets your every minute specification and preference, but one whom is headed the same way as you. And thus, your relationship can become a ministry to others built on true devotion to God, and a solid identity forged by the intimate relationship you have with HIM.

I still consider a list, of sorts, to some degree. Men and women, read the ones for your gender and see if that is where you are or where you are headed because of a true and passionate love for God.

Women, is this woman you? "A woman's heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him just to find her. (-UNKNOWN)" Men, is this where you are looking for a woman?

To all: (Consider; are you these things? Do you possess the following traits? Do you honestly want to be these things because of your great Love for Christ?)

Galatians 5:22-23

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

Matthew 26:41

Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak.

1 Corinthians 7: 33-35

But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— and his interests are divided. An woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.

1 Corinthians 11:8-9,11-12

For man did not come from woman, but woman from man; neither was man created for woman, but woman for man..... In the Lord, however, woman is not independent of man, nor is man independent of woman. For as woman came from man, so also man is born of woman. But everything comes from God.

Ephesians 5:21-28

21 Out of respect for Christ, be courteously reverent to one another.

22-24 Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands.

25-28 Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ's love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They're really doing themselves a favor—since they're already "one" in marriage.

Proverbs 4:23-27

Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it springs the issues of life. Put away from you a deceitful mouth, and put perverse lips far from you. Let your eyes look straight ahead, and your eyelids look right before you. Ponder the path of your feet and let your ways be established. Do not turn to the right or left; Remove your foot from evil.

Spirit filled:

Ephesians 5:18

Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit.

God is number 1:

Mark 12:30

30 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’[a]

Broken (of self) rely fully on God:

Philippians 4: 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

Faithful:

1 Corinthians 4:2

2 Now it is required that those who have been given a trust must prove faithful.

Ministry Minded: Concerned about lost souls:

14 How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them?

Caring:

Galatians 6:2

2 Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.

A disciple (both a teacher and the one taught):

Matthew 28:19-20

19 Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

Prayerful:

Colossians 4:2

2 Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful.

Put others before self:

Philippians 2:3-4

3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, 4not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

Finds joy in the Lord:

John 15:11

11 I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.

Pursue proper and peaceful relationships:

Hebrews 12:14

14 Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord.

Finds peace in God and waits for God’s timing:

Psalm 37:7a

7 Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him;

Kind and Compassionate, emotionally sensitive:

Ephesians 4:32

32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Colossians 3:12

12 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.

To Women:

The book of Esther

The book of Ruth

Proverbs 31 (select verses, see below)

1 Peter 3:

1 Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2 when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. 3 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. 4 Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 5 For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands

To Men:

1 Chronicles 28:9

And you, my son [insert your name], acknowledge the God of your father, and serve him with wholehearted devotion and with a willing mind, for the Lord searches every heart and understands every motive behind the thoughts. If you seek him, he will be found by you; but if you forsake him, he will reject you forever.

Proverbs 20:6 Many a man claims to have unfailing love, but a faithful man who can find?

Proverbs 17:27 A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered.

Proverbs 29:23 A man's pride brings him low, but a man of lowly spirit gains honor.
1 Timothy 5:8
If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

Proverbs 25:28
28 Like a city whose walls are broken through is a person who lacks self-control.

Proverbs 31:

Proverbs 31 (For men, Leaders, and all)

2 Listen, my son! Listen, son of my womb! Listen, my son, the answer to my prayers! 3 Do not spend your strength [or wealth] on women, your vigor on those who ruin kings.

4 It is not for kings, [insert name] — it is not for kings to drink wine, not for rulers to crave beer, 5 lest they drink and forget what has been decreed, and deprive all the oppressed of their rights. 6 Let beer be for those who are perishing, wine for those who are in anguish! 7 Let them drink and forget their poverty and remember their misery no more.

8 Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. 9 Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy.

Proverbs 31 (For Women)

The Wife of Noble Character

10 A wife of noble character who can find?

She is worth far more than rubies.

11 Her husband has full confidence in her

and lacks nothing of value.

12 She brings him good, not harm,

all the days of her life.

20 She opens her arms to the poor

and extends her hands to the needy.

21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;

for all of them are clothed in scarlet.

23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,

where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.

25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;

she can laugh at the days to come.

26 She speaks with wisdom,

and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

27 She watches over the affairs of her household

and does not eat the bread of idleness.

28 Her children arise and call her blessed;

her husband also, and he praises her:

29 “Many women do noble things,

but you surpass them all.”

30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;

but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

31 Honor her for all that her hands have done,

and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

On Growing Roots.

2010-11-29T12:22:00.000-08:00

The Oak and the Amaryllis

by Rebecca Turk

Let your roots grow down into him and draw up nourishment from him, so you will grow in faith, strong and vigorous in the truth you were taught. Let your lives overflow with thanksgiving for all he has done. Col. 2:7

The warming spring sun awakens life beneath the earth’s surface. Two tender shoots break free of the binds of the winter hardened soil. Faces lifted to the sun, they make their introductions.

Hi, my name is Amaryllis. What is yours?

I’m oak. What will you be?

I’ll be a glorious flower, elegant beyond words. What about

You?

I don’t know, I’ve never done this before. Last year I was

an acorn.

You’re very little, Oak.

So are you, Amaryllis.

Gentle showers began to fall on both the Oak and the Amaryllis.

Oak, you’ve lost one of your leaves. You’re too tender, too

weak. You’ll never make it if even the rain breaks you down. Look at me, see how fast I’m growing, see how thick my stem is?

The rain cannot touch me.

For a moment Oak became discouraged, maybe he would never be anything grand. He certainly hadn’t grown as much as the Amaryllis had. In fact, he was half as tall and about a forth as wide as the Amaryllis was.

A month past, the weather was mostly fair, but when it did storm, Oak always seemed to take the greater damage. But within him, beneath the surface, he had a hope he couldn’t explain. He felt that there was more to this story than what met the eye.

Amaryllis was now very tall, at the top of her long slender stem was a bud growing nigh to unfolding. She was beautiful already and she had not yet bloomed.

Ammy, how come you’re so beautiful? How did you grow

so fast?

Oak, I just am made more beautiful than an oak. I grow

faster, so that people can see my lovely flower without

having to wait so long.

Yeah…I suppose you’re right.

The next morning as the sun began to filter down upon the two, Oak opened his eyes to see a spectacular sight of color and elegance. The petals of Amaryllis’ flower had opened.

Wow!

I know. I’m beautiful--so tall and elegant.

Amaryllis, I feel the wind blowing my tiny leaf. I think it is

about to storm.

It is. You better take care to stay safe. You’re so little.

That night it rained and rained. Oak lost his other leaf. He was now nothing but stem. Amaryllis faired better that night, she only took a small tear to one of her petals.

Oak, you really must grow faster, or you’ll never survive

these rains.

I’m trying, but I’m not seeing anything change. I’m not

pretty, I don’t even have my leaves anymore!

I feel the wind moving in again, the sky is growing dark. I

don’t know what else you have left to loose…if this is the

last time we talk, I’ll miss you Oak.

Oak’s tiny heart was heavy, he was consumed with the fear of what this storm may do to him. How did Amaryllis have such confidence? How was it fair that she had grown so tall, so thick stemmed, and beautiful in the time it took him to barely make his presence known on earth.

The night was long, Oak’s tiny boughs bent. Extreme pain was sent through him as he was forced downward, the rain so heavy he couldn’t even see Amaryllis next to him.

When morning came it revealed the damage—many of plants around them had not survived the night. A grown poplar tree was lying on the ground, splintered.

And then there was Amaryllis…Her glory lay wilted and rain battered on the ground.

Ammy! Are you alive?

Yes, Oak. I am—but I just don’t understand. I was made to

grow tall, I had a strong stem, and I was so beautiful. How

do you still stand?

I don’t know. I’m sorry your flower broke off.

I am too, but I’m still taller than you--my stem is still thick.

The rains gave way to summer heat. The ground grew hard and scorched. Oak had not grown any new leaves since loosing them, and Amaryllis still stood tall, though broken.

I’m thirsty, Oak.

I’m hot and burned, too. It’s miserable.

I’m turning brown.

I am brown.

No oak--I’m sick. I’ve been thirsty too long.

Sink your roots down into the water reserve from the

previous rains.

My roots are as far as they will go. I will soon die, but I’ll

be back next year.

Will I also die?

I don’t know. We will have to wait and see.

A few days passed and Amaryllis began to look less and less like the beautiful, tall, thick stemmed flower of elegance that she had once been and more like a dried, twisted, hallow shadow of her former self.

Ammy? Are you going to make it?

No, Oak. I won’t. This is going to have to be our goodbye.

With that Oak watched the last of the green fade from Amaryllis’ leaves and stem. While alone Oak had much time to reflect and look around, he noticed something he had not before. About 100 feet away stood a mighty tree with branches that spread, as wide, he guessed, as the tree was tall.

Great Tree, why did Amaryllis die and I survive?

You survived because your roots sink much deeper into the

life giving reserves of water.

But Amaryllis was so beautiful. She grew so quickly. She

was so tall.

Amaryllis spent her energy to grow upward, your energy

was well spent sinking your roots downward. They will

sustain you through the drought and keep you anchored in

the storm.

The season continued on, and Oak grew a little. He even grew two tiny new leaves. The rain began to fall again, and he wasn’t so scared of the rain anymore. He had survived it before--he would survive again. The wind grew colder, and his leaves began to change color. At first it scared him, but then he saw some beauty in it. One day the wind began to blow and his two tiny yellow leaves blew off of him and floated away.

Great Tree, my leaves are gone. I have nothing left. You

have your height and breadth; I am just a tiny sapling.

Be still, Oak. Your time will come.

Wha—what’s that supposed to mean?

You will see.

Oak felt all within him begin to grow still. He feared that this was what it felt like to die. Was he dying? All he knew is that he was very tired. He fell into a deep slumber, without ever coming to any conclusion on what the Great Tree meant…nor knowing if this was the end of his tale.

The winter winds blew around Oak’s cold, leafless, tiny trunk, and all was still within.

After months of nothing but winter, it began to rain again. The rain was warm, and slowly Oak began to feel life restored. He opened his eyes one morning to see the sun shining bright.

Wh-ere am I? Oh, I’m still here…and I look the same.

Just wait.

Came the reply from the Great Tree.

The days grew gradually warmer and soon Oak noticed a change, he had new branches growing, and if he wasn’t mistaken the ground seemed further bellow. There were tiny buds on the ends of each of his branches--six to be exact. He was growing, while Amaryllis had not yet broken through the surface.

That year, Amaryllis came up later than normal complaining that the winter had been too harsh and that her shallowly planted bulb had taken some damage—yet she grew. Oak grew as well, though he did not catch up to the height of Amaryllis he got close to it. There were many storms and high winds throughout the year, and again they took damage. Oak lost a leaf; Amaryllis flower was torn. Amaryllis still lacked roots of any real depth. So again, as the dry season fell upon them, she began to die. Oak, held on through it all, through the rain, through the wind, and the drought. Growing slowly, but growing none the less.

Years passed. After several years, Oak was finally looking down when talking to Amaryllis. His trunk began to grow thicker, and his roots grew continuously deeper. The winds barely touched him anymore, and he survived every drought. The same could not be said of Amaryllis. Nothing really changed with her. Each year it was the same. She would take damage in the storm and die in the drought.

If you were to visit them now, you would find them close friends—just as they were before. Now during the scorching days and blistering winds, Oak can offer some shelter to Amaryllis. But the drought still brings upon the end for Amaryllis. Oak now stands at least 50 feet tall. His trunk is gnarled and twisted. He bares scars from the damage of the storms, but he is grand. His branches spread as wide as he is tall, and many creatures take refuge in his branches. He knows now what the Great Tree was saying when it told him to be still and wait--that his time would come.

On Painful Healing.

2010-11-29T12:21:00.000-08:00

This week I was busy trying out a new craft idea, cutting away with a cheap pair of scissors, when a metal bur from them embedded itself in my finger. I don't know how many of you have had metal slivers, but they are very painful. They are sharp so they slice through your skin like a little knife when they get bumped.

It was sticking out of the skin on the surface and appeared to be something I could easily remove myself. But each attempt caused so much pain, and ultimately left the sliver in place. I tried tweezers, I tried Elmers Glue, I tried duct tape, I tried masking taping, I tried pinching and pulling....everytime I touched the area, in an effort to remove the sliver, I caused myself pain. It hurt just being in my finger, it hurt when it was touched....

(and you know what? The sliver remained in place until I quit trying and let someone else do it).

While attempting to get it out, a thought crossed my mind.

This is how it is, with the things in our lives that do not belong. With our own plans, our own dreams, our hurts...our stubborn sins we hang onto, our self-reliance. They hurt us just by being IN our life. They do not belong, they are a foreign object, with sharp edges. Life bumps and bruises us, pushing these slivers of the soul deeper in, causing us additional undue pain...

So, it makes sense to just get rid of them. To let them go, right? However, the letting go, the removal of these sliver is painful too. We have to be prepared to endure the temporary, more extreme, pain caused by the removal of these slivers. We have to come to a point of realization that for healing to ever occur, we must surrender to the Healer, and let go of our soul slivers.

There is pain in the Healing. But as one who has allowed the sliver to be removed, I can testify that once healing occurs, nothing is better--no bandage to cover, no garment to hide, no pain killers or brave face.

True healing is worth the pain.

On Praising God.

2010-11-29T12:20:00.000-08:00

When my heart breaks,

when my spirit is weak,

when the rain falls on my face,

.......(yet) I will praise.

When my eyes fail,

When confusion clouds my view,

When my feet stumble

along the way,

.......(yet) I will praise.

When my hope crumbles,

when my faith is shaken,

when the blessings I believed in

get delayed,

.......(yet) I will praise.

For you alone are God,

you move the mountains in the night,

you calm the raging sea;

you are strong and mighty.

to my brokeness you give healing

to my blindness you offer sight,

you are loving, kind, and gentle.

When I am lonely, you are my companion.

When I am afraid, you are my refuge...

My friend in troubled times..

In confusion, you are my guide.

(for you alone are God).

So after the rain departs,

after the healing of my broken heart,

I will continue to praise.

(for you alone are God).

You have rescued me from my despair,

you have proved to always be there,

you have strenghtened me in my weakness,

and saw me through the storm.

So I will praise.

For you alone are God,

you move the mountains in the night,

you calm the raging sea;

you are strong and mighty.

to my brokeness you give healing

to my blindness you offer sight,

you are loving, kind, and gentle.

When I am lonely, you are my companion.

When I am afraid, you are my refuge...

My friend in troubled times..

In confusion, you are my guide.

(for you alone are God).

On Seeking Revival.

2010-11-29T12:17:00.000-08:00

I keep seeing it. A repeating of themes. Grace. Prayers. God's power. God's love. Revival. Knowing Jesus rather than just knowing the rules....and the list goes on and on...(and no, I don't think it is just that the pastors are running out of things to talk about, or this is just part of the standard fair of church...this is different.)

Is it just me? Or does it seem like every time you have a thought about a message you think needs to be shared, that either a) you end up in a position to share it with someone yourself or b) you enter a vespers or church service and that--your very thought--is being preached?

It's beyond coincidence that people's hearts seem to all be turning to be on the same page. It's beyond chance that so many people are feeling a restlessness, a stirring up--to serve, to minister, to prepare. God is calling us out inactivity and slumber, he is redirecting our paths from paths of our choosing to the path of His will.

Daily, I feel more and more convinced, that there is a large group of people feeling the stirring of the Spirit in their lives, yet they may not know what this uneasy and unsettled restlessness is about.

I sense a revival. No, not one of those feel good revivals at the end of a week of prayer, that last for approximately 2/3s the length of the week of prayer. I'm talking about a serious life changing, devil crushing sort of revival. The type where the people move forward, knowing the risks, and knowing the rewards may not be for their eyes to see--but acting anyway. Acting because they are so deeply, truly, unshakably in love with Christ. A revival that transforms each individual who is receptive to the spirit so much so that others will look upon them and say, "something has changed. You're different." A revival where others will hunger for that change to happen in their life by looking at your transformed life.

And I believe that revival is near...but it will not happen on it's own...

“A revival of true godliness among us is the greatest and most urgent of all our needs. To seek this should be our first work. . . . A revival need be expected only in answer to prayer” (Ellen G. White, Selected Messages, book 1, p. 121).

Are you praying? Is your heart prepared to be set on fire? Do you feel a restlessness within? I certainly do. I've spent the last few days feeling God calling, tugging, pulling me into prayer and a closer walk with Him. It's like He wants to reveal something to me, so I am asking. "God, what is it. Speak, your servant listens."

Revival doesn't happen on its own. Pray. Seek. Go.

On Waiting Patiently.

2010-11-29T12:15:00.000-08:00

Sometimes you've been waiting for what seems a life time, for something you KNOW is promised you. Maybe you can't see the promise land yet, and sometimes you can see it, just on the other side of the river. Discouragement may threaten to take a foothold. You may wonder what the delay is, but could it be that your promised land is occupied and not yet ready for you to settle in? Could it be that the Lord is preparing you, by forcing you to rest, before the battle? Not just for your own good, but so that you can fight while your brothers rest, and rest while your brothers fight.

So, while waiting, we must remember the command to be strong and courageous, we must meditate on the word of God day and night, and not allow ourselves to be overtaken with discouragement.

For God's plan is complete, not lacking anything, only requiring our obedience.

Joshua 1:

8 Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. 9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." 10 So Joshua ordered the officers of the people: 11 "Go through the camp and tell the people, 'Get your supplies ready. Three days from now you will cross the Jordan here to go in and take possession of the land the LORD your God is giving you for your own.' " 12 But to the Reubenites, the Gadites and the half-tribe of Manasseh, Joshua said, 13 "Remember the command that Moses the servant of the LORD gave you: 'The LORD your God is giving you rest and has granted you this land.' 14 Your wives, your children and your livestock may stay in the land that Moses gave you east of the Jordan, but all your fighting men, fully armed, must cross over ahead of your brothers. You are to help your brothers 15 until the LORD gives them rest, as he has done for you, and until they too have taken possession of the land that the LORD your God is giving them. After that, you may go back and occupy your own land, which Moses the servant of the LORD gave you east of the Jordan toward the sunrise."

On Spiritual Warfare.

2010-11-29T12:11:00.000-08:00

Present weapons!

Sometimes we're given courses to train us for a job, and sometimes we have to do on the job training and learn as we go--if we're lucky, there is both(...and it is time to start practicing what we've learned or are learning).

I don't want to play clueless anymore. Sure, I can pull it off pretty well with my blonde hair and generally quiet, innocent, and a bit naive personality...but it's time to quit playing pretend.

This war is real. Can't you feel it? Can't you feel the rumbles of the blasts shaking the ground beneath your feet? Can you hear the cries of the wounded, and see the casualities around you?

There is no closing your eyes to this, not for long anyway.

A young person commits their life to Christ's mission, they prepare to go and spread it, and then painful wounds are inflicted upon them. Scary situations present themselves. Stress piles up, friends desert. They are left hurt, scared, stressed, and alone.

Can we not see who is behind this? Can we not see what it is really about?

God can use you.

First, Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;

Second, in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight. (Prov. 3: 5,6)

Now. What is this all about...What weapons do you have? I think this provides some pretty clear instruction;

Eph. 6:

10Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. 12For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.

So, do these. Pray for, love, and encourage one another.
Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. (Gal. 6:2).

"We are human, but we don't wage war with human plans and methods. We use God's mighty weapons, not merely worldly weapons, to knock down the Devil's strongholds. With these weapons we break down every proud argument that keeps people from knowing God." 2 Cor. 10:3-5a

Support each other.

On Seeing Light.

2010-11-29T12:09:00.000-08:00

It isn't until we have experienced the light of day that we realize the darkness of night. It isn't until we turn on the light in the morning that we realize how messed up our hair is. We can be blind so long and never know we are missing a thing--this is normal isn't it? We have no standard, no expectation to compare it to.

When we see the light, some may see the marred life that is their own and run in fear, back into the darkness--allowing the faults to remain hidden, if only to those around.

But we, having hope, having been given light, can see past our sin marred life and realize how great the Father's love for us that He would give His son to wash away our marredness. Who would give anything and everything to call each of us into a deeper, closer, truer walk with Him.

I often feel that the more I draw close to HIM, the more I find in myself to change...sometimes I want to run and hide...but I know that it is not He who is making me feel that way, for Christ calls us come forth---and he promises to transform us.

So trust in His work in your life. You see your sin marred self and think no one could possibly love you if they really knew...but the thing is, He knows, He sees, and He loves you more than life itself.

Read this and tell me that it wasn't an intense, committed, non-wavering love that kept Christ from stepping away from the plan...and that love was toward you, even then.

24 When Pilate saw that he could not prevail at all, but rather that a tumult was rising, he took water and washed his hands before the multitude, saying, “I am innocent of the blood of this just Person.[a] You see to it.”
25 And all the people answered and said, “His blood be on us and on our children.”
26 Then he released Barabbas to them; and when he had scourged Jesus, he delivered Him to be crucified.

27 Then the soldiers of the governor took Jesus into the Praetorium and gathered the whole garrison around Him. 28 And they stripped Him and put a scarlet robe on Him. 29 When they had twisted a crown of thorns, they put it on His head, and a reed in His right hand. And they bowed the knee before Him and mocked Him, saying, “Hail, King of the Jews!” 30 Then they spat on Him, and took the reed and struck Him on the head. 31 And when they had mocked Him, they took the robe off Him, put His own clothes on Him, and led Him away to be crucified.

On Gaining Peace.

2010-11-29T12:07:00.000-08:00

Peace

A soft summer breeze under the shade of an old elm,
A babbling brook, a mountain stream,
A golden glow, day’s last gleam.
Storm clouds and winter winds,
Rough seas that surround me,
My sins are forgiven, you have redeemed me.
Your grace is sufficient, and your love
sustains me.

I have been tossed by the wind for years now. Where God wanted me was a mystery—completely unseen. I would cry out, “Call me Lord, call me. Use me. Make me more like you and less and less like the sinful child I am. Make your will clear to me.”
What was I truly asking? I was asking;

Lord, tell me what career to do…where am I called…and
Lord, give me someone to love who will love me in return.

These sound like the right questions, but I am learning that they may not have been the best (and the best I may yet have to learn)—and at the very least, incomplete.

Lately I have come to a peace. I am not anxious about what job I will do for all my life—I realize that in life, God has made me flexible, and that very well could be because my mission in life will require flexibility. I no longer agonize over the closing of another day without clarity for career.

I still pray about it, but I pray a different prayer. I pray that God show me how to live out my mission, how to use my talents, where I am—employed or not. I pray to be grown in the areas needed so that I am equipped in all areas that are necessary in my calling. I thank Him for His all seeing wisdom and loving guidance, and I live—listening.

I am no longer restlessly anxious for the one whom I will love and be loved in return. I am okay being single. I am not incomplete because I am single; any incompleteness within me is due to not being completely open to the transforming of my mind and spirit by God. If I am incomplete, either I am in the process of growing in that area, or I have yet to surrender it God.

I’m also letting go of worrying, obsessively, about how I am perceived by potential suitors. I have realized that when true love finds me, it will only grow deeper through complete knowledge of who I am—good and bad alike. Just as I love Christ, all the more truly as I grow closer to him, so shall be a God given relationship.

So, peace has found me as I’ve begun to ask different questions.
Now I ask for guidance on how to live my mission where I am, when I am there—for equipping to live my best life now.
And, I pray not for one to love—but I pray for help to love not just those whom I long to love, but those whom I’d honestly rather not.

And as long as my heart is full of Him, I will not be empty---even if I continue without a clear career path or a man to love as my own. I pray continually for strength to trust him to sustain me and strengthen me—so I do not live my life on hold--that I don’t fall back into the pit of fear.

Not that I have it all figured out, but I have peace—and now, after weathering the storms and having God guide me through them—I know where to turn when my peace shall break.

On Running in Place.

2010-11-29T12:05:00.000-08:00

I was working out today, and when I finished the prepackaged workout, I felt something was missing. Yes, my muscles were sore, but my heart wasn't pumping hard, I wasn't breathing heavily. So, I stood up and ran, and ran, and ran--never moving more than an inch or two from my original location. I stood there, running, looking at my reflection in the refrigerator. It struck me; this is exactly what I do in my life SO often. I run in place. No, I am not inactive, which is good, but I am not going anywhere. I get all the pains and aches of running, yet I never seem to move forward.

Why do I never learn the lessons? Why doesn't God just move me forward already? I pondered these questions, and then I began to think--"well, why am I [physically] running in place, right now? Why is this important?"

I want to be stronger. I want to build my muscles so that when they are challenged they will be able to answer the call.

Thinking of it that way, it all makes sense. God is preparing me, my spiritual, emotional, and intellectual muscles for the purpose for which I am called.

Just as I would fail miserably if I attempted to go from my untrained status as a non-runner and leaped headlong into running a marathon--so too would be my fate if I skipped the preparation period God is putting me through as he trains me to be a runner for him.

And only He knows the challenges that lay ahead of me, my spiritual and emotional muscles may yet be underdeveloped, so I must be patient and allow Him to grow me.

2010-11-29T11:57:00.000-08:00

CHAPTER TWO

I have lost interest in the format I was writing and sharing on this blog but I am still attached to this blog, so here begins chapter two.

Thoughts of a mind growing.

Thoughts...

Returning from a Journey in the Wrong Direction 06.11.10

2010-06-11T05:58:00.000-07:00

She took the path of her promised happiness, or at least that's what she was told it was. In fact she has found herself in a land that feels foreign and uncomfortable. She's restless here, this is not home, this is not where she was meant to go.

Yet upon the gentle wind there is the hint of a whisper calling, "This way, child. This way." Where "this way" leads, is yet to be seen, and how to get there, yet disguised, but she turns toward the voice and waits. She will follow.

Reflection [01.20.10]

2010-01-20T18:35:00.001-08:00

She bends low over the still blue pool studying her reflection. It's not perfect. There is dirt from the journey, there is mess of her own doing, marks of imperfection--but behind it, beneath it, something shines. She can see it, she hopes others can as well. It is the love of her savior and blessings of His hands. She wants to do nothing to hide this, yet that's the message she receives so often. If only she'd do this one thing different....then, things would go so much better.

She doesn't believe it.

Meeting the Measure & Truly Pursued [01.19.10]

2010-01-19T16:48:00.000-08:00

In the desert place she waits, unsure of what surrounds her. A sense that comes and goes, flitting on the inconsistent wind is not enough to answer her questions. Pursuit, by one which is not true, is not her desire. From denials she’s grown far too tired. She realizes her standards are high, but she knows they are not unreasonable. She will wait. She has encountered the living breathing existence of her standards. So, she waits to be found.

She's human, she grows weary in the wait, but yet she trusts. She knows God is in control, and if the sense that has overtaken her from time to time is true, she will rejoice in being found. If it is not, she will continue to trust, wait, and praise the Lord for his goodness and supreme knowledge.

The Material of Mirages [07.2009]

2009-07-23T03:38:00.000-07:00

Looking down at her own feet, she can see soild ground, but the fog that was behind her is creeping across the landscape before her. The fog's thick smoky fingers swirled around her feet and gathered in low clouds upon the horizon. She gains one last glimpse of the path before her before the fog lays itself down. It is a beautiful hopeful place, full of all things wonderful, and then it is gone. Through the fog she sees shadows of the past, unwelcoming desert, craggy rocks, and deep valleys. The more she focuses on the mirage, the sharper the stone and more difficult the way.

After a time, she realizes that this is the material of mirages. The damage the invisible can do. So she finds a thick flat rock overlooking the path and retreats there for a time to pray and wait for the fog to clear.

In a Land amongst Parrots? [05.16.09]

2009-05-16T14:11:00.000-07:00

Ever since she was a tiny girl with golden curls her eyes were upward turned. The flashes of crimson, blue, yellow, and orange captured her imagination. She loved birds. Parrots held a special place in her heart. Their intelligence, beauty, and ability to mimic and mock human language were among the things that drew her to them.

Throughout her years she has had several parrots in her life. She loved each one dearly, but she began to notice something. Not one chose her. They would always latch on to someone else. Not only did they not choose her, they often disliked her. Sometimes, when they really wanted something, they would pretend to like her--but once that cage door was opened you knew they didn't.

She fears she has found herself in a land of parrots. Among people she desires to know and spend time with, but who will never truly accept her or choose her.

Though this she fears, she will continue on as if she were in the land of children--for children do choose her and desire to spend time with her and do not do things to cause her harm.

So she tarries on.

A New Season [12.12.08]

2008-12-12T18:11:00.000-08:00

Where has she gone? There. Here she is.

The weather has changed, and so has life. She travels down a path through a valley cold. This once was home, but now it is void of reward. She seeks her promise land. The future promised her.

Her greatest fear has to do with the setting and rising of the sun. The beginning and end of each new day. Time is passing her by.

Exhausted She Finds Rest [08.30.08]

2008-08-30T15:12:00.000-07:00

Laying in the grass she looks up into the sky trying to see beyond her own limited view. Inactivity would not leave her this tired, she must be making progress. In fact she is very busy, life is taking her a million different directions--many of which she would not choose for herself. The breeze playfully dances through the grass freeing the little ballerina seeds of a dandelion and she closes her eyes seeking what she really needs. The calming, restful love of her Father in heaven.

To feel truly loved she needs queit, reflective, quality time with God and those in her life, and life is making that time so hard to find.

She closes her eyes and rests in the love of God.

Nothing but God's Will

2008-08-15T16:03:00.000-07:00

Her soul feels waterlogged. Days and months of raining. So numb to it she's grown, she barely feels a drop. Her hair hangs limp, clinging to her face and neck. The horizon is not so dark today as it has been, and the rain does not feel so oppressive--yet it is still rain. A little is loved, a lot is loathed by most. Yet she sits un-judging of her situation. She knows it's the building block for her blessed tomorrow, no matter how it looks today. So let it rain so long as I don't drown. For the Lord will bless me for I am His own.

"In the center of the circle
of the will of God I stand:
There can come no second causes,
All must come from His dear hand.
All is well! for it's my Father
Who my life has planned.

Shall I pass through waves of sorrow?
Then I know it will be best;
Though I cannot tell the reason,
I can trust, and so am blest.
God is love, and God is faithful.
So in perfect Peace I rest.

With the shade and with the sunshine,
With the joy and with the pain,
Lord I trust you! both are needed,
Each Your wayward child to train,
Earthly loss, if we will know it,
Often means our heavely gain.
I. G. W."

--And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him. Romans 8:28 --

Rain Showers and Sun [07.19.08]

2008-07-19T16:43:00.000-07:00

We can depend on God to fulfill his promise, even when all the roads leading to it are closed. --Matthew Henry

Eyes closed she turns her face heavenward. The rain pours down on her with no sign that it will be letting up, but yet the sun shines dancing between the clouds.

My words...will come true at their proper time Luke 1:20
What the Lord has said...will be accomplished. Luke 1:45

The Lord is sure to accomplish those things
a loving heart has waited long to see;
Those words be fulfilled to which she clings,
Because her God has promised faithfully;
And, knowing him, she ne'er can doubt His word;
He speaks and it is done. The mighty Lord!

The Lord is sure to accomplish those things,
O burdened heart, rest ever in His care;
In quietness beneath His shadowing wings
Await the answer to your longing prayer.
When you have "cast your cares," the heart then sings,
The Lord is sure to accomplish those things.

The Lord is sure to accomplish those things
O tired heart, believe and wait and pray;
Peacefully, the evening chime still rings,
Though cloud and rain and storm have filled the day.
Faith pierces through the mist of doubt that bars
The coming night sometimes, and finds the stars.

The Lord is sure to accomplish those things,
O trusting heart, the Lord to you has told;
Let Faith and Hope arise, and lift their wings,
to soar toward the sunrise clouds of gold;
the doorways of the rosy dawn swing wide,
Revealing joys the darkness of night did hide.

--Bessie Porter

Forward On [05.22.08]

2008-05-22T13:07:00.000-07:00

Morning comes once again, and she realizes that she cannot wait for clarity, she cannot wait for the confusion to fade...she must carry on, ever forward and trust the Lord to lead.

Springs of Cold Water [05.21.08]

2008-05-21T12:31:00.000-07:00

The water that runs through the stream by the way is so cold that it brings pain as she washes the mud off her feet. She is now out of the quicksand, at least this patch of land is solid, but the cold waters hurt as they wash away the quicksand. As time passes she grows numb to the cold water.

Sitting by the water now, she contemplates what may come next...

It was Quicksand [05.18.08]

2008-05-18T11:13:00.000-07:00

The leap led to a fall that led to quicksand.

Her forward journey seems doomed to be halted for a time, until the grips of confusion let go of her feet.

Leap [05.15.08]

2008-05-15T19:46:00.000-07:00

It's still dark and before her feet she feels a divide in the earth. It's depth and breadth unknown to her, she surrenders her path to God's and leaps in faith. If she should fall, she must trust there are hands there to catch her and help her up. If it is desert on the other side...if it is storm, if it is sun and paradise, she must just trust the Lord.

It is too late to turn back now.

She leaps.

Come Rain or Come Shine [05.14.08]

2008-05-14T19:47:00.001-07:00

She grabs hold of the wind, tugging at that which cannot be held, cannot be pulled, that which is not hers. She has been inactive for a long time, waiting for God to show her that her plans are actually His as well.

She realizes she was telling God what His plans for her could or couldn't be, but saying with resolved "I will not..."

God, in his great patience and wisdom, smiling down on her as she looks off into the darkened distant horizon, knew that the plans she was building for her life were not those that would lead her to the best place for her.

Blindness was a cure, not a disease. It kept her from moving forward with plans of my own making--or rather those plans she felt were the best for her--regardless of how she felt led.

Now there is a rope around her, gently tugging her forward.

She isn't being called to wait, no...all along she was just learning to hear the Lord and discern His voice.

He has called her to act. She must let go of hope in faith. She must now transition from learning to living. There is definately a risk in letting go of her human hopes in order to achieve the dreams God has dreamed for her life. She must trust Him with everything.

Even if her hopes are not actuated. Even if she fails, if she falls, if she is rejected. She must follow Him now, for He calls, and she hears. She cannot deny it.

So as the breeze picks up, she lets go of her hopes.

Knowing that His will is always what is best for her.

Come rain or come shine.

Sun and Gray [05.02.08]

2008-05-02T14:56:00.000-07:00

Barely a breeze blows. The robins continue their singing, refreshed from the spring shower. The daffodils raise up their sunny faces thanking the heavens for the fallen rain. She walks passed them, her eyes resting on nothing.

She has decisions to make but she still feels she is lacking any guidance. She doesn't want to make these decision alone. Those who she would respect their opinion stay silent--perhaps out of wisdom, knowing better what she needs than she herself. Those who are ready to give advice throw it out carelessly, and it doesn't fit so she rejects it.

She prays the words of David in the psalms--

Show me the path where I should walk, O Lord;
Point out the right road for me to follow.
Lead me by your truth and teach me,
for you are the God who saves me.
All day long I put my hope in you.[25:4-5]

O Lord, you are my rock of safety.
Please help me; don't refuse to answer me.
For if you are silent,
I might as well give up and die.[28:1]

My heart has heard you say, "come and talk with me"
And my heart responds, "Lord, I am coming."[27:8]

Looking around her she sees the sun shining down while gray clouds still surround. What does it mean for her?

Abundance of Life [04.26.08]

2008-04-26T18:04:00.000-07:00

photo by Rebecca Turk

It's spring, and promise breaks through like the tulips through sun warmed earth. Yet, she walks on with no clarity. Where is God leading her? Is he calling and she doesn't hear Him? She's listening as best as she knows how and praying for the ablity to hear His call.

Even with uncertainty she has joy. She is slowly learning to trust. Slowly learning to let God lead her forward all the while being blindfolded. Her purpose, though undefined to her, exists--and it is a purpose that only she can fulfill--a place God has called her specifically, before she was born.

Young tender grass tickles her barefeet as she walks along in the lush abundance of life that grows according to the Lord's commands.

Wings [04.17.08]

2008-04-17T16:00:00.001-07:00

Sometimes when her soul feels light enough to fly, she realizes her wings are not for her own purposes--but are to wrap, with care and love, around those whose spirits' are weak.

And Sometimes In the Light of the Moon She Dances [04.02.08]

2008-04-02T20:19:00.000-07:00

The full moon hangs large above the Horizon. Its amber light cast with the same playfullness as the glow of fireflies flashing. She smiles and giggles as she catches a firefly. She's joyful.

Sometimes, when no one is looking, in the light of the moon, she dances.

She Hears the Sound of Pain [04.01.08]

2008-04-01T12:21:00.000-07:00

Beside her she hears the whisperings of another, the words sound sad and discouraged tinged by anxiety. "I can't..." "I can't..." "I won't..." sad words are these that she hears. Turning to face the voice, she sees the tears building up in the other's eyes. Soon they spill over, and she goes to offer comfort...She'll help if she can. She's willing to try, at least.

The day goes on and every little sound, the shuffling of leaves, the creaking of a door...it all sounds like pain to her ears. Her compassion and empathy awaken.

The Mightiest of Man's Walls Have Weakness Within

2008-03-28T19:13:00.001-07:00

The sad song of the loon carries across the fog ridden shore, there is peace, but it doesn't feel like it's her's anymore.
The waves lap up quietly upon the sand, but yet their motion too strong against her for her to stand. Exhaustion is catching up with her on her way, no longer can she pretend to never move or sway. For even the mightiest of mans walls have weakness within, hers is her human propensity to sin. Also she sees that often she takes her eyes from him who gives her all there is and the very life she lives. So, at the closing of this day she finds herself surrounded with the waves but turns her eyes, not a moment to soon, back from what surrounds to her father and prays;

"I surrender my will to you, Lord. Take me as I am. Lord without you, no matter what I do--I will never be able to stand. I see you, I love you, yet often I forget--you are my author, my sustainer, and should I just always remember to walk in your way--I will never once Lord, have a regret. Now Father, I shall cry to wash away the regret within--Lord, please forgive me of my doubting, my sin! Amen."

For one Wishes it to Rain when the Sun Shines [03.24.06]

2008-03-25T19:18:00.000-07:00

While yet the warmth of the sun dances upon her, she feels the rain begin to fall. It isn't a warm spring rain--no it is icy and stings. The cold burns her eyes...she feels the need to cry.

She feels the working of the one who wishes it to rain when the sun shines--trying to destroy the hope and assurance she had just gained...but she refuses to give in; as the rope gets pulled downward, she digs her heels into the ground and pulls uphill, praying all along for the strength of the Lord to be with her.

She will not give up her faith, she will not doubt the Lord. He promised to give us wisdom should we ask--and to do so gladly.

The struggle continues but she continues to pray--her heart aches with tenison--but she feels herself gaining strength.

"Oh restless doubting spirit, silence! Be still! Devil flee from this land for in the land I dwell the Lord is ruler, you have no place here! Be Gone!"

She boldly cries...and as the words spill from her lips the rain begins to stop, and the sun continues it's shining--and her heart is strengthened.

One more battle, one more step forward. One more tool she finds in her hand for whatever she may be called to do.

Claiming Promises [03.24.08]

2008-03-25T18:53:00.000-07:00

Go boldy, praying specifically, claiming the promises of God.

"God places Himself within our reach through His promises, and when we can actually say to Him, "you have said," He cannot say no. God must do as He has said....while in prayer be sure to stand firmly on a promise of God....Jesus desires that we would be very specific in our requests, asking for somethign definite....Make your requests earnestly and specifically, if you desire definite answers....Take Christ's Word--His promises--and Christ's sacrifice--His blood--with you to the throne of grace through prayer, and not one of heaven's blessings can be denied you."
From: Streams in the Desert
March 24

Hearing this her soul is stirred to a point of great hope! She had merely been praying too timidly--afraid to ask for anything definite...and though she knew that God kept His promises, somehow she hadn't thought to claim them!

Arising from her slumber early, she grabbed a pen and her journal along with her Bible and went to work claiming the promises of God...

"Dear Lord,

Glorious is your Holy Name!....I come before you to claim what you told me would be so.
You have said if I need wisdom, if I want to know what you want me to do, ask you and you will GLADLY tell me. You will not resent me asking. (James 1:5)....You promise that all things will work together for the good of those who love you and are called according to your purpose (Romans 8:28). You also promise that you already know the plans you have for me and that they are to prosper me and not to bring harm--that they will give me a hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11).......Amen."

Her heart is filled with hope, filled with assurance. God will gladly give the wisdom she seeks and the direction she needs.

Then through the clouds that surround the sun breaks through casting warm light upon her face, smiling she looks heavenward and mouths a silent "thank you"--her requests have been heard and the Lord is working on her behalf at this very moment, even if she cannot see it yet.

(written for yesterday March 24)

Learning to Welcome the Wait [03.22.08]

2008-03-22T11:27:00.001-07:00

Laying still on the cool ground she drifts into a sleep that floats lightly upon her, coming and going. When awakened she prays. She must learn to welcome the wait, because it appears waiting is what she is being called to do--at least for this time.

Fog settles over her mind, she's too tired to continue to pray; but she has prayed, asking for the Spirit to guide her. That if she must stay and wait that she grow able to rejoice in the wait--for she knows she's blessed.

She awakens fully and goes to the stream in the desert to quench her thirst.

God planned it so that the words echoing up from the stream be just those that she needs to hear at this time.

"...when God delays, He is not inactive. This is when he prepares his instruments and matures our strength....God is never in a hurry. He spends years preparing those He plans to greatly use, and never thinks of the days of preparation as being too long or boring....the most difficult ingredient of suffering is often time....'He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver' (Mal. 3:3)....Today we may be unable to see the final outcome of the beautiful plan that God has hidden "in the shadow of his hand" (Isa. 49:2)...we can calmly await the time when, in heavely delight, we will say "all things [have] work[ed] together for good (Rom. 8:28)....There is a reason behind every lesson, and when we are ready, our deliverance will definately come. Then we will know we could never have served our place of higher service without having been taughtthe very things we learned during our ordeal....

Don't steal tomorrow from God's hands. Give him time to speak to you and reveal His will. He is never late--learn to wait."

From: Streams in the Desert March 22

She rolls the thoughts around in her head, though they speak of waiting they bring a joy with them, and when she looks out upon the land...she thinks she may just see the morning's promise upon the horizon.

.:A Clean Heart:.

2008-03-21T16:32:00.000-07:00

Just a passing thought

Imagine with me. Someone you care about is coming to visit, but when you look around you see that you have let the space around you become cluttered and dirty. You admire this person greatly and respect them--do you leave the space a mess? Or do you show them how much you care about them and want them to be comfortable in your place, so you are motivated to clean up the clutter?

You clean up the clutter.

Why then are we so unwilling to clean up the clutter in our hearts to prepare it for our loving savior?

And even beyond that, we are not left alone to deal with the "mess" in our hearts, Our Honored Guest, our Lord will clean our heart for us, given that we are willing to let the cleaning take place.

Psalm 51
10Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.

11Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy holy spirit from me.

12Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit.

The Path IS Beneath Her Feet [03.21.08]

2008-03-21T13:47:00.000-07:00

God desires for us to believe His Word without other evidence, and then He is ready to do for us "according to [our] faith." --Streams in the Desert 03.21

According to your faith will it be done to you. (Matthew 9:29)

The confusion had settled upon her and pinned her to her place. She couldn't move, nor did want to seek out what she didn't know in the dark. She decided to wait for the coming light, but for the time being to pray what she holds on her heart.

She prays, not with doubt, but with honest questioning--"Lord, how long will you test my faith until I see with clarity?" She is not doubting that the Lord is leading, and she isn't considering giving up. Her faith is not weakening, it is in fact growing--but she fears that with the lack of clarity she may walk down a path that is her own, and not the Lord's--or she may not even move.

But through prayer she sees a glimmer of light on the horizion, a bit of truth revealed. God would not ignore her sincere pleading to be given guidance as to what is HIS will for her life. So, looking down at the path beneath her feet, she realizes that this IS His path for her--that When God promises to send us a guide, He will give us that guide.

So even though darkness surrounds, and she waits yet for clarity, she knows the path is beneath her feet--and she can breathe, relax and enjoy the faint glow of light provided her.

They Spin Her Around and Tell Her To Walk [03.20.08]

2008-03-20T19:14:00.001-07:00

The weight of the decisions yet to be made begin to take their toll. Before it wasn't so hard to keep her head held high, but now She is growing tired.

Today, along the path, a group of friends approached her. Their ears were not open, but they came with mouths ready to speak, and minds too slow to think before the words came. Each had their own idea, each telling her that her path is the wrong path. They made her head spin, and then they said GO FORWARD; DO NOT WAIT A MOMENT!

She cannot walk, her mind is too clouded, and she is too dizzy. These directions that have been offered her, though given with good intentions, only make her feel more lost and far more tired.

The night is heavy, so she seeks out rest and prays for clarity.

Advice of Two Contrary Twins [03.17.08]

2008-03-17T18:01:00.000-07:00

Looking into the western sky she catches a glimpse of the last lingering light of day. Darkness finds its usual place across the horizon, and she once again finds a place to sit and wait for some sort of guide in the dark. It has always come, in one form or another, but for a time--this time--it is dark, so she waits.

While waiting she reads; here it says "Quite often we fail to recieve the blessings He has ready for us because we are not moving forward with him....we loose numerous blessings by overwaiting."

But then, She reads "Stay there until I tell you. (Matthew 2:13) Patience and trust, even in the midst of the monotony of your daily routine, will be the best preparation to courageously handle the stress and strain of a greater opportunity, which God may someday send."

She lays down her book, picks up the Bible and searches...finding both advice given depending on the page and passage...

She looks before her, grab hold of what light is currently given and go forward, or sit and wait for a greater light, that may or may not come? Is she overwaiting God? Or should she settle back and stay waiting?

Stay or go...she feels pulled to both, both feel right...

God grant me sight!

Life Within Her Blooms [03.02.08]

2008-03-02T18:05:00.000-08:00

She turns her face toward the sun, feeling the warmth seeping through her skin. The sound of promise of warmer days fills the air. A robin finds a small patch of exposed grass and searches around for a meal. Not only is there promise of spring in nature around her, but in her life she can sense the coming spring.

No, it isn't just coming. Life within her is blooming. God is leading her down a path full of the richness of His blessings.

A Glimpse at Maybe [02.19.08]

2008-02-19T19:35:00.000-08:00

She gazes over the endless water, searching for that far horizon--for the shore of promise. There upon the water's surface, something unfamiliar is reflected. Maybe it is a glimpse of tomorrow. Maybe it is the distant shore.

Her heart rate accelerates at the possibility of her finding an answer to her days and nights of seeking. She blinks. Once—still there. Twice—still there. Three times...

Three times and it is gone, vanished before her eyes. Is something blocking that which was being reflected? Was there ever anything really there? She finds no clarity on these questions, but she refuses to let it make her doubt her Guide—her loving Lord.

Gray Skies Over Them [02.12.08]

2008-02-12T18:43:00.000-08:00

Right when the skies seem so clear before her, she sees the clouds bending down toward earth with angry urgency. They have come to surround so many, leading them down paths of pain and confusion. Isolating many in lonliness. To her right and to her left she sees it. It is before her and behind her. Each glimpse steals a breath away from her until she is left feeling winded, exhausted, and empathy overwhelms. There are just too many. As she runs down one path, she must choose to pass another. She cannot make it to all of their sides...she cannot offer comfort to each.

In her own life, the ground feels steady. She feels God's love swelling up within her. She isn't afraid. Curiousity has replaced worry. Dreams have replaced fear. Yet, she isn't sure which dreams to dream, for she dreams a hundred half dreams. There is the moon and lamps to guide her path. She knows she is not alone--And her hope seems daily more mature.

Yet, she cannot stand to look at the gray skies over them and do nothing. So she comforts those in reach, and those she cannot, she prays for.

The Lights of Night [02.02.08]

2008-02-02T13:22:00.000-08:00

Closing her eyes she feels the glow dance across her skin. The moon is shining and around her sits several lamps. They glow, reflecting the light from the source of all light. Peace overtakes in this moment, and she allows herself to relax for a moment.

Words of thanksgiving slip from her lips, floating up from an abundantly thankful heart. It may be night, but she isn't completely in the dark.

Worry Not While in Want [01.31.08]

2008-01-31T18:06:00.001-08:00

Even though all that surrounds her is changing into that of promise, she feels hunger within her. When will this hunger get fed? With what food? From where?

She struggles to continue to walk forward without question, without doubt--but she's hungry and in want.

For a time she walks on with confidence, then a pang of hunger strikes, and she falls prey to worry. Worry is the wolf that haunts the moonless nights along the path she takes.

In the light of the moon, she sees the wolf. She sees her doubt, her fear, the worry she has let go untamed.

As the night breeze once again kisses her cheeks she closes her eyes and turns her face toward the moon--"Lord," she prays "help me worry not while in want."

No Wind Blew [01.15.08]

2008-01-15T19:13:00.001-08:00

Sitting overlooking the lake before her, she senses something wrong...something wrong that is more than right. She cannot figure out what it is when the realization first hits her. The sky is so clear. Life is happening all around her in a fury of activity--nothing is still, but everything is calm.

Here she is, in the midst of what was once a storm, but now just a burst of forward motion, and no wind blew.

Could this really be ok? Or is something wrong? This peace is beyond her, above her, past anything of her comprehension. She cannot understand it, yet it IS all the same.

This time, she finds out, is when God can best speak to us. When our soul is calm and settled and unfretted. So she listens as no wind blows.

Calm [01.14.08]

2008-01-14T16:44:00.000-08:00

Her pace not hurried, her breath not labored, though her climb upward. She pauses a moment on a rocky outcropping overlooking the beauty that surrounds. The moon is shining again, not much light, but enough to guide her now. The glow offers hints of the beauty that lies beyond. A gentle breeze blows across her face; her hair caught up a moment upon the wind, dances.

Though she sees no one, she knows she is not here alone, and she is not afraid. This moment proves that you can both be excited and calm.

In the end, things will work out. She can trust the Lord. Today, His gifts many, but that which she feels presently is calm.

She Sings in Gratitude [01.13.08]

2008-01-13T18:56:00.000-08:00

Walking along the waters edge she watches the moonlight dance across the velvet surface. She is yet in search of a dream that flies just beyond her now, but even in her want, she sees just how blessed she is.

It may not come today or tomorrow, but she sings in gratitude. She is loved and she is not alone, the Lord walks with her, carrying her when she's weak.

She can see that now, even though it's always been something she's known.

The night's silence is broken softly, the words fall out in a chorus of joyful noise.

I thank you Father,
I thank you Lord,
For all you've given,
and all you've done.

Even in want and in need,
when the world's got me on my knees,
I thank you Father,
I thank you Lord,
For all the blessings
with which you've showered me.

When confusion clouds my view,
When I struggle just to know what to do,
I thank you Father,
I thank you Lord,
Because I can always turn to you.

In gratitude and Faith I pray,
Bless me with your spirit,
Guide me with your Love,
Let me be a blessing,
Until your work is done.

And I thank you Father,
I thank you Lord,
I offer you this
My Gift of gratitude...

Sometimes Peace comes in Pieces

2008-01-12T19:00:00.000-08:00

I lay back on my bed staring up at my ceiling, quietly thanking God for all He has blessed me with. There are people, friends and family who make life full. There are experiences…and then…then there is peace.

I have found myself conflicted within for awhile now…if it isn’t this, it’s that…and today, though my body feels weak and exhausted, and I fear I am getting sick…today I was given one more piece of peace.

God keeps speaking to me, through people and events. He keeps telling me that He’s watching out for me, that He really does love me. When I beg to move faster He asks rather than tells me, why I feel the necessity to rush things for today, when He is busy paving the way for me to find joy and happiness forever.

I am now ready to say I’m willing to wait. Before, I waited because I had no choice, but now I can honestly say to the Lord, I am ready should this be my time, but I am also willing to wait.

He knows best…and sometimes, when conflicted, instead of calming the storm all together at once, peace comes in pieces. And that’s alright.

Refreshing Breeze and Fairytale Dreams

2008-01-11T15:56:00.000-08:00

A smile creeps across her face, at first she tries to hide it, but decides that is a silly waste of time. Why try to hide joy? She is bubbling over with glee that makes her act childlike—but that’s alright, her heart is full of hope and she’s dreaming again—dreaming grand dreams.

Her mind paints a fairytale that she jumps into. The air smells sweet and spicy, filled with the scent of a million flowers. The sky more blue than she’s ever seen, and the grass…the grass is so green and lush that she cannot help but fall back into it and lay staring into the sky. And she dreams...fairytale dreams...and is kissed by a refreshing breeze...

The Surrender [01.10.08]

2008-01-10T15:13:00.000-08:00

The Surrender:

Holding on to a wisp of wind, she fought to keep her balance on this uneven land. Of course she knew where she was going…right? No, she couldn’t even convince herself of it. The truth is that she cannot even see five feet in front of her. A dense fog settled over the already darkened horizon.

Yet here she is, fighting; She’s fighting the air, the breeze, and all that is unseen. She’s fighting her own confusion, and struggling to be free of the weakness of her own will.

She dreams and lets them go, for the path from here to where she must go is obscured in darkness.

In all that is so hard to see, one thing she knows is well seen is her weakness. She is flawed, and though she fights like a warrior, she is weak.

The water moves in around her, threatening to drown her. Her arms reach up to hands she knows are waiting.

Lord, take me! I surrender my will into your hands, save me Lord!

by: RET

The Path She Takes [Creative Writing 2007]

2008-01-10T14:33:00.000-08:00

The hot southern winds whipped her full white skirt back around her. There she stood overlooking what had once been so beautiful--desert lands. The beauty has long since faded, yet she stands here still. It is what it is. A desert--inhospitable, vast, dry, hot, and lonely. She's tired of chasing mirages and ending up nowhere and yet tired all the same...She looks to the horizon for something, yet there is nothing. Some days she even prays for mirages, because at least they are something to rest her eyes upon.

******
A hot desert wind blows around her, sand an abrasive reminder of her location. She stares off in the distances for something, a sign that the desert will not consume her. Faintly on the horizon there is the suggestion of an oasis, a respite on her long journey. Suddenly it is right before her, not a moment for her to think about what it might mean.
No, it isn't a clear answer, there is no sign to welcome her saying she has found her destination, but here she is. It is so refreshing to her sun baked soul, her thirst satisfied. The more she breathes the moist air of this oasis, the more she feels at home. It is good, and she is happy here.
******
She walks through the oasis, eyes open wide and her heart wider, ready for adventure, for joy to re-enter her life. Caught up in the newness that surrounds her she forgets for a moment how close the other side is--if she should but lift her eyes toward the sky she will see the edge on the horizon. She knows it will not take very long to reach the other side, if the path continues to carry her directly forward. She is saddened at the prospect of leaving this land so soon. She has found joy here, laughter, and refreshment, and though the edge is so very close to the horizon, she holds on to hope, because that's all she's ever done-- and who she really is. She knows that only God knows where the path will lead her, and how quickly she will arrive. And even if the desert should surround again, she knows His plans are for her best life, and she will endure the desert again if that is where He should lead her.
******
Beneath her feet she feels the lushness leave the ground, and the sharp edges of rocks begin to cut her feet. The desert or a fertile paradise? That which lays ahead is a mystery that haunts her mind. Even if it is the desert, the sands shall be softer than where she presently treads. She may even consider trading thorns and rocky ledges for sand burns.
The air is stagnant, heavy, crushing. Her lungs heave with effort to provide her air. No wind blows--her oasis has awaken pain. Her path has now taken her to a rocky ledge. Far off in the distance she can see desert to one side, paradise the other, but what is present surrounding is nothing but fog and confusion. Nothing sheds light upon the path. It is night. She stumbles on in spite, awaiting morning--knowing she is never truly alone.
******
Looking to her left she sees the earth give way to a vast openness, the rocks crumble and fall into the ocean. Should she continue walking on this shaky ground? The fall would be huge, but at least if she jumped she'd maintain some control. Closing her eyes she approaches the edge, unsure of what she will do next.
Suddenly she's falling, falling...along side her she sees the rocky cliffs rushing up as she plummets downward. All she can hope is to hit the water and not the rocky crags below. She can only expect that surviving this fall will mean enduring the crashing and thrashing of the tide as it meets the land.
******
She lays there for a time, while time itself fades away. Unsure of what life will bring her, she's afraid to move. The fall had hurt her, but not in the way she had expected...she's so far from the land she had become so familiar with. Now she fears her company, because she must be her own company--but there is something greater, something overarching...an emotion she can not quite describe. After letting her wounds heal she lifts herself up and finds a place to sit and reflect. Closing her eyes she looks passed the losses, and tries to put an image to the feeling within her. She imagines wings unfolding within her heart. They are graceful and strong.

She is graceful and strong, in her own right. The ocean winds blow around her, and the air smells of tomorrow. Tomorrow smells like promise. Promise smells like hope. And hope is what she was always good at.

She stands with the ocean breeze flirting with the hem of her skirt and playing with wisps of her hair. This air doesn't burn her lungs. She can breathe uninhibited.

So she stands ready, waiting on the Lord.

******

The Lord begins to call, softly, like the whispers of a calm ocean within the Harbor, rising. Almost inaudible, and yet you can feel it somewhere deep within. His voice not loud, the message unclear, but she knows without a shadow of a doubt that He is speaking to her.

She feels that the Lord is trying to give her a gift, her heart is readying itself. She's been praying to be ready to accept God's gift, to be good enough—with God's grace—to be the recipient of such blessings as God has to give.

Within her chest her heart burns with restlessness, she sense it is God calling her to move. God wants her to start walking. She has walked out of the oasis that once protected her from the elements of the desert. Again dry sand surrounds her, but she is not thirsty—for there is a spring within her.
She feels like tomorrow's promise is so close it may come today. Yes, she feel's God trying to give her path direction. She studies the Bible and prays, hoping to be ready when He calls.

She prays for strength to answer the call.

by: RET