It isn't until we have experienced the light of day that we realize the darkness of night. It isn't until we turn on the light in the morning that we realize how messed up our hair is. We can be blind so long and never know we are missing a thing--this is normal isn't it? We have no standard, no expectation to compare it to.
When we see the light, some may see the marred life that is their own and run in fear, back into the darkness--allowing the faults to remain hidden, if only to those around.
But we, having hope, having been given light, can see past our sin marred life and realize how great the Father's love for us that He would give His son to wash away our marredness. Who would give anything and everything to call each of us into a deeper, closer, truer walk with Him.
I often feel that the more I draw close to HIM, the more I find in myself to change...sometimes I want to run and hide...but I know that it is not He who is making me feel that way, for Christ calls us come forth---and he promises to transform us.
So trust in His work in your life. You see your sin marred self and think no one could possibly love you if they really knew...but the thing is, He knows, He sees, and He loves you more than life itself.
Read this and tell me that it wasn't an intense, committed, non-wavering love that kept Christ from stepping away from the plan...and that love was toward you, even then.
24 When Pilate saw that he could not prevail at all, but rather that a tumult was rising, he took water and washed his hands before the multitude, saying, “I am innocent of the blood of this just Person.[a] You see to it.”
25 And all the people answered and said, “His blood be on us and on our children.”
26 Then he released Barabbas to them; and when he had scourged Jesus, he delivered Him to be crucified.
27 Then the soldiers of the governor took Jesus into the Praetorium and gathered the whole garrison around Him. 28 And they stripped Him and put a scarlet robe on Him. 29 When they had twisted a crown of thorns, they put it on His head, and a reed in His right hand. And they bowed the knee before Him and mocked Him, saying, “Hail, King of the Jews!” 30 Then they spat on Him, and took the reed and struck Him on the head. 31 And when they had mocked Him, they took the robe off Him, put His own clothes on Him, and led Him away to be crucified.
Monday, November 29, 2010
On Gaining Peace.
Peace
A soft summer breeze under the shade of an old elm,
A babbling brook, a mountain stream,
A golden glow, day’s last gleam.
Storm clouds and winter winds,
Rough seas that surround me,
My sins are forgiven, you have redeemed me.
Your grace is sufficient, and your love
sustains me.
I have been tossed by the wind for years now. Where God wanted me was a mystery—completely unseen. I would cry out, “Call me Lord, call me. Use me. Make me more like you and less and less like the sinful child I am. Make your will clear to me.”
What was I truly asking? I was asking;
Lord, tell me what career to do…where am I called…and
Lord, give me someone to love who will love me in return.
These sound like the right questions, but I am learning that they may not have been the best (and the best I may yet have to learn)—and at the very least, incomplete.
Lately I have come to a peace. I am not anxious about what job I will do for all my life—I realize that in life, God has made me flexible, and that very well could be because my mission in life will require flexibility. I no longer agonize over the closing of another day without clarity for career.
I still pray about it, but I pray a different prayer. I pray that God show me how to live out my mission, how to use my talents, where I am—employed or not. I pray to be grown in the areas needed so that I am equipped in all areas that are necessary in my calling. I thank Him for His all seeing wisdom and loving guidance, and I live—listening.
I am no longer restlessly anxious for the one whom I will love and be loved in return. I am okay being single. I am not incomplete because I am single; any incompleteness within me is due to not being completely open to the transforming of my mind and spirit by God. If I am incomplete, either I am in the process of growing in that area, or I have yet to surrender it God.
I’m also letting go of worrying, obsessively, about how I am perceived by potential suitors. I have realized that when true love finds me, it will only grow deeper through complete knowledge of who I am—good and bad alike. Just as I love Christ, all the more truly as I grow closer to him, so shall be a God given relationship.
So, peace has found me as I’ve begun to ask different questions.
Now I ask for guidance on how to live my mission where I am, when I am there—for equipping to live my best life now.
And, I pray not for one to love—but I pray for help to love not just those whom I long to love, but those whom I’d honestly rather not.
And as long as my heart is full of Him, I will not be empty---even if I continue without a clear career path or a man to love as my own. I pray continually for strength to trust him to sustain me and strengthen me—so I do not live my life on hold--that I don’t fall back into the pit of fear.
Not that I have it all figured out, but I have peace—and now, after weathering the storms and having God guide me through them—I know where to turn when my peace shall break.
A soft summer breeze under the shade of an old elm,
A babbling brook, a mountain stream,
A golden glow, day’s last gleam.
Storm clouds and winter winds,
Rough seas that surround me,
My sins are forgiven, you have redeemed me.
Your grace is sufficient, and your love
sustains me.
I have been tossed by the wind for years now. Where God wanted me was a mystery—completely unseen. I would cry out, “Call me Lord, call me. Use me. Make me more like you and less and less like the sinful child I am. Make your will clear to me.”
What was I truly asking? I was asking;
Lord, tell me what career to do…where am I called…and
Lord, give me someone to love who will love me in return.
These sound like the right questions, but I am learning that they may not have been the best (and the best I may yet have to learn)—and at the very least, incomplete.
Lately I have come to a peace. I am not anxious about what job I will do for all my life—I realize that in life, God has made me flexible, and that very well could be because my mission in life will require flexibility. I no longer agonize over the closing of another day without clarity for career.
I still pray about it, but I pray a different prayer. I pray that God show me how to live out my mission, how to use my talents, where I am—employed or not. I pray to be grown in the areas needed so that I am equipped in all areas that are necessary in my calling. I thank Him for His all seeing wisdom and loving guidance, and I live—listening.
I am no longer restlessly anxious for the one whom I will love and be loved in return. I am okay being single. I am not incomplete because I am single; any incompleteness within me is due to not being completely open to the transforming of my mind and spirit by God. If I am incomplete, either I am in the process of growing in that area, or I have yet to surrender it God.
I’m also letting go of worrying, obsessively, about how I am perceived by potential suitors. I have realized that when true love finds me, it will only grow deeper through complete knowledge of who I am—good and bad alike. Just as I love Christ, all the more truly as I grow closer to him, so shall be a God given relationship.
So, peace has found me as I’ve begun to ask different questions.
Now I ask for guidance on how to live my mission where I am, when I am there—for equipping to live my best life now.
And, I pray not for one to love—but I pray for help to love not just those whom I long to love, but those whom I’d honestly rather not.
And as long as my heart is full of Him, I will not be empty---even if I continue without a clear career path or a man to love as my own. I pray continually for strength to trust him to sustain me and strengthen me—so I do not live my life on hold--that I don’t fall back into the pit of fear.
Not that I have it all figured out, but I have peace—and now, after weathering the storms and having God guide me through them—I know where to turn when my peace shall break.
On Running in Place.
I was working out today, and when I finished the prepackaged workout, I felt something was missing. Yes, my muscles were sore, but my heart wasn't pumping hard, I wasn't breathing heavily. So, I stood up and ran, and ran, and ran--never moving more than an inch or two from my original location. I stood there, running, looking at my reflection in the refrigerator. It struck me; this is exactly what I do in my life SO often. I run in place. No, I am not inactive, which is good, but I am not going anywhere. I get all the pains and aches of running, yet I never seem to move forward.
Why do I never learn the lessons? Why doesn't God just move me forward already? I pondered these questions, and then I began to think--"well, why am I [physically] running in place, right now? Why is this important?"
I want to be stronger. I want to build my muscles so that when they are challenged they will be able to answer the call.
Thinking of it that way, it all makes sense. God is preparing me, my spiritual, emotional, and intellectual muscles for the purpose for which I am called.
Just as I would fail miserably if I attempted to go from my untrained status as a non-runner and leaped headlong into running a marathon--so too would be my fate if I skipped the preparation period God is putting me through as he trains me to be a runner for him.
And only He knows the challenges that lay ahead of me, my spiritual and emotional muscles may yet be underdeveloped, so I must be patient and allow Him to grow me.
Why do I never learn the lessons? Why doesn't God just move me forward already? I pondered these questions, and then I began to think--"well, why am I [physically] running in place, right now? Why is this important?"
I want to be stronger. I want to build my muscles so that when they are challenged they will be able to answer the call.
Thinking of it that way, it all makes sense. God is preparing me, my spiritual, emotional, and intellectual muscles for the purpose for which I am called.
Just as I would fail miserably if I attempted to go from my untrained status as a non-runner and leaped headlong into running a marathon--so too would be my fate if I skipped the preparation period God is putting me through as he trains me to be a runner for him.
And only He knows the challenges that lay ahead of me, my spiritual and emotional muscles may yet be underdeveloped, so I must be patient and allow Him to grow me.
Friday, June 11, 2010
Returning from a Journey in the Wrong Direction 06.11.10
She took the path of her promised happiness, or at least that's what she was told it was. In fact she has found herself in a land that feels foreign and uncomfortable. She's restless here, this is not home, this is not where she was meant to go.
Yet upon the gentle wind there is the hint of a whisper calling, "This way, child. This way." Where "this way" leads, is yet to be seen, and how to get there, yet disguised, but she turns toward the voice and waits. She will follow.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Reflection [01.20.10]
She bends low over the still blue pool studying her reflection. It's not perfect. There is dirt from the journey, there is mess of her own doing, marks of imperfection--but behind it, beneath it, something shines. She can see it, she hopes others can as well. It is the love of her savior and blessings of His hands. She wants to do nothing to hide this, yet that's the message she receives so often. If only she'd do this one thing different....then, things would go so much better.
She doesn't believe it.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Meeting the Measure & Truly Pursued [01.19.10]
In the desert place she waits, unsure of what surrounds her. A sense that comes and goes, flitting on the inconsistent wind is not enough to answer her questions. Pursuit, by one which is not true, is not her desire. From denials she’s grown far too tired. She realizes her standards are high, but she knows they are not unreasonable. She will wait. She has encountered the living breathing existence of her standards. So, she waits to be found.
She's human, she grows weary in the wait, but yet she trusts. She knows God is in control, and if the sense that has overtaken her from time to time is true, she will rejoice in being found. If it is not, she will continue to trust, wait, and praise the Lord for his goodness and supreme knowledge.
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